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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22796596">Too Close</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotsofquestionslimitedanswers/pseuds/lotsofquestionslimitedanswers'>lotsofquestionslimitedanswers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>To Be Better To You [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jaskier | Dandelion Needs a Hug, M/M, Nightmares, Pre-Relationship, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sickfic, Soft Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Worried Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:22:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,566</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22796596</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotsofquestionslimitedanswers/pseuds/lotsofquestionslimitedanswers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaskier has a nightmare and Geralt tries to help.</p>
<p>Excerpt:<br/>Finally, Jaskier lifts his head and looks around. Jaskier sees Geralt and jumps. Then he stares at him with wide watery blue eyes. Jaskier seems surprised to see Geralt.<br/>Where did Jaskier think he was if not with Geralt? Geralt almost asks, but judging by the look on Jaskier’s face, that is a question to ask another time…when Jaskier is less vulnerable.<br/>Jaskier’s mouth shakes as he whispers, “G-G-Ger-Geralt?”<br/>“I’m here Jaskier. What do you need?” Geralt replies in the gentlest voice he can muster. He does not dare try to touch Jaskier right now. Geralt does not wish to scare Jaskier and frankly, he cannot bear to see Jaskier flinch away from him again tonight.<br/>Jaskier stands and trips, nearly falling but catching himself somehow as he starts pacing around.<br/>Geralt stays seated as he waits for Jaskier to stop.<br/>Jaskier stops pacing and kneels in front of Geralt. Jaskier’s eyes are brimming with tears and his bottom lip quivers as he stares at Geralt for a few seconds. He seems to be contemplating his words. Then Jaskier asks, “We’re safe…right?”<br/>Jaskier’s voice cracks and so does Geralt’s heart.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>To Be Better To You [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1616074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>401</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Too Close</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Geralt</strong>
</p>
<p>Geralt jolts awake. Geralt sits up and takes in the scene around him. He and Jaskier had stopped for the night in the forest. Roach is a few feet away, sleeping near a tree. Geralt is on a sleep-pad on the ground near the fire. Geralt hears something strange. It’s a sniffle. He hears a small moan and looks for the source. It doesn’t take long to find Jaskier on the other side of the fire, tossing and turning in his sleep. Geralt walks over to Jaskier and sits near him. The bard smells like sweat and fear and tears. Jaskier flinches in his sleep and lets out a strangled cry. Geralt freezes. He doesn’t mean to, but he watches in horror as Jaskier fights an unseen monster in his sleep. Geralt is at a loss. He does not want to speak too loudly or too softly. Being too loud will scare Jaskier. Being too quiet will cause Jaskier to not hear him and remain trapped in the nightmare. Geralt is worried about touching Jaskier too. He does not want to hurt his friend and he fears that he may shake him too hard in an effort to wake him up.</p>
<p>“Stop,” Jaskier pleads before letting out a small sob.</p>
<p>That small noise feels like being stabbed in the gut and somehow, it’s what sends Geralt into action.</p>
<p>“Jaskier?” Geralt asks in what he hopes is a medium tone. Geralt shakes Jaskier’s shoulder again, being careful not to hurt his friend.</p>
<p>Jaskier flinches away from Geralt’s touch and sobs, “No!”</p>
<p>Geralt’s heart drops and he lets go of Jaskier’s shoulder like it burned him. This is not the first time something like this has happened, but it always hurts. Jaskier often shies away from Geralt’s touch when Jaskier has nightmares; it is the only time Jaskier seems afraid of Geralt. Geralt has never been able to find out why. Whenever Geralt asks about the nightmares, Jaskier claims to not remember them. Geralt knows this is a lie because Jaskier’s fingers twitch when he says he does not remember his nightmares.</p>
<p>“Jaskier?” Geralt calls in a louder voice this time.</p>
<p>Jaskier does not hear him.</p>
<p>Geralt knows there is a solution. He just hates it. He raises his voice and yells, “Jaskier!”</p>
<p>Jaskier bolts upright with a scream. He’s panting. His hands are shaking…in fact, his whole body is shaking. His face is covered in sweat and tears. He hugs his knees to his chest and buries his face in his knees. He takes a series of deep breaths and slowly stops crying.</p>
<p>Geralt does not say anything. Somehow, this nightmare seems worse than others he has witnessed, and he is unsure of what to do. So, he waits for Jaskier to calm himself down.</p>
<p>Finally, Jaskier lifts his head and looks around. Jaskier sees Geralt and jumps. Then he stares at him with wide watery blue eyes. Jaskier seems surprised to see Geralt.</p>
<p>Where did Jaskier think he was if not with Geralt? Geralt almost asks, but judging by the look on Jaskier’s face, that is a question to ask another time…when Jaskier is less vulnerable.</p>
<p>Jaskier’s mouth shakes as he whispers, “G-G-Ger-Geralt?”</p>
<p>“I’m here Jaskier. What do you need?” Geralt replies in the gentlest voice he can muster. He does not dare try to touch Jaskier right now. Geralt does not wish to scare Jaskier and frankly, he cannot bear to see Jaskier flinch away from him again tonight.</p>
<p>Jaskier stands and trips, nearly falling but catching himself somehow as he starts pacing around.</p>
<p>Geralt stays seated as he waits for Jaskier to stop.</p>
<p>Jaskier stops pacing and kneels in front of Geralt. Jaskier’s eyes are brimming with tears and his bottom lip quivers as he stares at Geralt for a few seconds. He seems to be contemplating his words. Then Jaskier asks, “We’re safe…right?”</p>
<p>Jaskier’s voice cracks and so does Geralt’s heart.</p>
<p>Jaskier’s not finished talking yet.</p>
<p>“We’re safe? Yes? Tell me we’re safe. Please. <em>Please.</em> I need you to tell me we’re safe. Please. I need you to say it. Please. Please, Geralt. Please.” Jaskier’s starting to breathe faster…too fast for Geralt’s liking.</p>
<p>Geralt opens his mouth to answer but is cut off as Jaskier continues to plead with him.</p>
<p>“Please, Geralt. Please tell me we’re safe. I need you to say it.” Jaskier sounds like he’s choking on his words, clearly trying to hold back new sobs that must be building in his throat.</p>
<p>“We’re safe, Jaskier.” Geralt says.</p>
<p>“Promise? I need you to promise me.” Jaskier’s shaking.</p>
<p>“I promise.” Geralt replies.</p>
<p>Jaskier nods. Then Jaskier whimpers and throws himself into Geralt’s arms. Jaskier hugs Geralt tightly and begins to cry into Geralt’s shoulder. Geralt is initially stunned by Jaskier’s action, but he hugs Jaskier back. There’s an alarming amount of heat coming from Jaskier’s body and it occurs to Geralt that perhaps Jaskier’s reaction to his nightmare is partly because Jaskier is running a fever. It also may have been one hell of a nightmare. Geralt will probably never find out. Jaskier’s shaking everywhere and he’s sticky with sweat. Jaskier is practically in Geralt’s lap, sobbing in Geralt’s shoulder as Geralt hugs him back.</p>
<p>“It’s going to be okay, Jaskier. We’re safe. You’re safe. I’ll protect you. You’re okay. You’re okay, Jaskier. No one will hurt you as long as I’m around.” Geralt does not meant to start making promises he knows he will not be able to keep forever, but once he starts, he cannot seem to stop. “I promise, Jaskier. I promise you’re safe. Please believe me. It’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. You’re okay. You’re safe. You’re safe, Jaskier. We’re safe.”</p>
<p>Geralt will say just about anything if it helps Jaskier stop crying. He wants to beg his friend to stop crying, because it hurts to see. It hurts to feel Jaskier cling to him as sobs so harsh they shake his whole body overtake him. It hurts to hear Jaskier choke and gasp for breath between powerful sobs. But, it would be unfair for Geralt to beg Jaskier to stop crying just because it brings Geralt pain to see Jaskier so upset.</p>
<p>Jaskier says nothing. He hugs Geralt tighter and cries harder.</p>
<p>Countless minutes go by and Geralt struggles to remain calm for Jaskier.</p>
<p>“Please tell me what’s wrong. I don’t know how to help. Tell me how to help you. Please, Jaskier.” Geralt pleads with Jaskier. He has never seen Jaskier this upset for this long after a nightmare. He usually would have calmed down by now.</p>
<p>“Too—too—too—too close…too close.” Jaskier sobs.</p>
<p>Oh.</p>
<p>Geralt tries to pull away from Jaskier.</p>
<p>“Geralt stay. Please.” Jaskier whimpers and clings harder to Geralt.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Jaskier. I’m here. I thought you meant I was too close to you.” Geralt says, hating himself for feeling relieved that the thing that is too close to Jaskier is not Geralt. “What is it that is too close?” Geralt asks.</p>
<p>“H—h—h—ho—home,” Jaskier shakes harder as he says the word.</p>
<p>Ice fills Geralt’s veins. There are very few reasons why the idea of home being too close could make Jaskier cry like this. Horrible guesses flash through Geralt’s head and he hopes they are all incorrect. “Why is home too close?” Geralt asks.</p>
<p>“Hurts. It hurts <em>so badly</em>. Hold me. Please? Please, I feel I am breaking apart. Please, don’t let me go. I’m breaking. I can’t go back there. Please don’t make me go back there. Hold me. Please. Save me from this. Don’t make me go back. Please. I can’t go back there. I can’t. I can’t!” Jaskier raises his voice and Geralt can feel Jaskier’s panic rise with the volume of Jaskier’s voice.</p>
<p>Geralt holds Jaskier a little closer. “I’ve got you, Jaskier. You’re safe with me. Just try to breathe and let it all out. Like you have told me, it’s okay to cry. Just breathe. You don’t have to go back there. You never have to go back there.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Jaskier sounds so relieved to not have to go back home. Geralt’s heart just about breaks right then.</p>
<p>“It’s going to be okay. I promise.” Geralt starts to make more promises he might not be able to keep, but then he decides to try a new approach. “Sometimes, in my darkest moments, I sing this to myself. Please forgive me for the sound of my voice; I do not have your talents.” Geralt begins to sing “Toss a Coin to Your Witcher” softly at first, but he slowly sings louder, hoping that Jaskier will hear the song over his crying and find comfort in it.</p>
<p>Geralt sings until he feels hoarse and even then, keeps singing. How does Jaskier do this when they visit taverns? Geralt decides to ask Jaskier later as Geralt begins to run his fingers through Jaskier’s sweaty hair.</p>
<p>Slowly, Jaskier’s harsh sobbing turns into soft crying which turns into occasional sniffling, and his ragged breathing eventually evens out. Jaskier’s grip around Geralt’s shoulders loosens. Jaskier shivers and brings both arms to his sides. Jaskier presses a hand against Geralt’s heart. The other clutches at the front of Geralt’s shirt. When the tension leaves Jaskier’s body, Geralt’s eyes fill with tears. Jaskier cried himself to sleep. Vibrant, lively Jaskier who always has something to say, cried himself to sleep over the thought of going home. Jaskier’s home is so terrifying that Jaskier woke up from a nightmare that was obviously about his home and cried for <em>hours</em> over it until Jaskier exhausted himself to the point where he fell asleep again. If Geralt ever finds the culprit responsible for Jaskier’s fear, he will personally remove their head from their body. Jaskier deserves better than this.</p>
<p>Geralt carefully leans backwards until he is lying on the ground again with Jaskier gathered close against his chest. It’s not so different from how they fell asleep last night, only this time, it is Geralt’s shirt that is wet with Jaskier’s tears rather than the reverse. Geralt listens to Jaskier’s soft snores and continues to gently run his fingers through Jaskier’s hair. Eventually, Geralt is lulled to sleep by Jaskier’s steady breathing.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>Jaskier</em>
</p>
<p>Jaskier wakes up crying. He clamps a hand over his mouth in an attempt to be quiet. He had another nightmare. That’s two in one night. Why can’t his brain just stop this? The closer he gets to home, the more they keep coming. This one was not as intense as the last one. Perhaps because in this one, Jaskier was seven and his mother held him close after his father was done reminding Jaskier what a pathetic waste of space Jaskier was…his mother never held him like that after his father was done with him. Perhaps something like this really did happen when Jaskier was small, but if that is the case, Jaskier does not remember it. Perhaps his dream is a memory…but, even if that were the case, it does not change Jaskier’s opinion of his parents. It does not change the very real fact that Jaskier’s mother did not protect him from his father. It does not change the very real fact that Jaskier has a collection of scars nearly as large as Geralt’s. It does not change the very real fact that Jaskier has told several lies to his several muses about the sources of these scars. Some of them believed Jaskier. Some did not. Jaskier always ran away from the ones who pressed about the scars.</p>
<p>Sometimes he would search for Geralt after he came across someone who asked about the scars. Jaskier did not do it consciously…at least not at first. Sometimes, Jaskier would decide it was time to leave town which would lead to Jaskier eventually stumbling into Geralt. Sometimes it would be easy to search for Geralt; they often shared a room whenever they stayed in taverns. Jaskier would just slip into the room while Geralt was asleep, crawl into bed far enough away not to touch Geralt and listen to Geralt’s steady breathing as silent tears slip down Jaskier’s face. On nights like that, Jaskier would wake up in the morning screaming with Geralt anxiously at his side, trying to figure out how to help. Usually Geralt would pat Jaskier’s shoulder and ask if Jaskier wanted to go back to sleep. Usually the answer was yes. Later into their friendship, Geralt would also ask if Jaskier wanted Geralt to stay with him. The answer to that question was always yes. Jaskier generally finds Geralt’s presence a comfort. Jaskier’s not always sure why, but he makes a habit of not questioning good things.</p>
<p>Jaskier realizes he is being held in someone’s arms. The events of the last time he woke up flash through his mind: he couldn’t stop crying, he was so scared of returning home, Geralt held him, Geralt <em>sang to him</em>, Jaskier could’ve sworn when he was drifting off that he felt something wet in his hair…did Geralt cry because of Jaskier? Jaskier hopes not. He does not wish to be the reason for Geralt’s tears. Jaskier moves a bit to look at Geralt; Jaskier is careful to not make his movements too sudden for fear of waking Geralt up. Jaskier studies Geralt’s face; in sleep, Geralt looks almost relaxed. His features are somehow softer than usual. As if he heard Jaskier’s thoughts, Geralt scowls in his sleep and pulls Jaskier closer to him. A wave of warmth washes over Jaskier. It’s such a stark contrast to the cold fear of Jaskier’s nightmares that new tears fill his eyes. Geralt may actually love Jaskier back. Jaskier doesn’t deserve it, but he hopes for it all the same.</p>
<p>Jaskier’s father would be the first in line to remind Jaskier that Jaskier is unworthy of love and kindness—especially from someone as important as Geralt. Well…that last bit isn’t true. Jaskier’s father would hate Geralt simply because Geralt is a witcher. Jaskier has never understood his father’s animosity towards anyone remotely magical. Father always argued that magic takes away a creature’s ability to feel. In Jaskier’s experience, no magical being has ever been unfeeling. They just express their feelings differently than humans expect. Sometimes they just need time to express their feelings. Jaskier thinks back to the night before when Geralt wept in Jaskier’s arms because Geralt felt unworthy of being cared for. Witchers don’t feel. Jaskier has never been told a bigger lie. Geralt feels just like any human. Geralt hurts just like any human. Geralt does not want nothing. He <em>wants</em> to be cared for. Geralt does not seem to mind horribly that Jaskier needs him either. Even Geralt’s words about himself are wrong.</p>
<p>Jaskier sighs as his thoughts drift in circles regarding Geralt. One day he may tell his friend that he loves him. This night is not the time though. Jaskier’s just glad Geralt is here and that they do not need to go to Jaskier’s home. Geralt’s promise means Jaskier gets to be safe. Of course, Jaskier always feels safe with Geralt. Jaskier presses his face into Geralt’s chest and listens to the slow but steady beating of Geralt’s heart. The rhythm is enough to send Jaskier back to sleep.</p>
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